49 Awesome ‘Heathers’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living (2022)

By Nico Lang

via Popsugar

By Nico Lang

via Popsugar

If you’ve never seen Heathers before, you haven’t lived. The 80’s best teen movie, Heathers is movie royalty, my personal favorite satire of high school life, a satire as razor sharp as it is infinitely quotable. Written by Daniel Waters (brother to the director of Mean Girls, Mark Waters), this the movie that started it all, the one all other mean girl movies must bow down and worship. Lick it up, baby. Lick it up.

To the other Heathers fans out there, you’re beautiful. Here are 49 of the best lines from Winona Ryder’s shining hour, presented in no particular order. Just for you.

49 Awesome ‘Heathers’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living (3)

1.

Veronica: “Dear Diary: My teen angst bullshit now has a body count.”

2.

Heather Chandler: “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?”

3.

(Video) best quotes from Heathers

J.D.: “Our love is God. Let’s go get a slushie.”

4.

Veronica: “If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be a human. You’d be a game show host.”

5.

Veronica: “Are we going to prom or to hell?”

6.

Heather Chandler: “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?”

7.

J.D.: “Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?”
Veronica: “I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke’s wrists open, making it look like suicide.”
J.D.: “Ah, now you’re talking. I can be up for that. I’ve already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.”

8.

Veronica: “I use my grand IQ to decide what lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew.”

9.

Westerburg Student: “Did you hear? School’s canceled today because Kurt & Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual, suicide pact.”

Heather Duke: “No way!”

10.

Heather Chandler: “God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time…”

49 Awesome ‘Heathers’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living (4)

11.

J.D.: “I can’t believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Of course, I was coming up here to kill you.”

12.

Dennis: “I’m not belittleing the foodless fund, Peter, but we’re talking teen suicide, here. I mean ask Alison; the number one song in America today is ‘Teenage Suicide, Don’t Do It’ by Big Fun. Jesus, man, Westerburg finally got one of these things, and I’m not gonna blow it.”

Peter: “Great, so Heather gets the front page and I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.”

13.

Veronica: “What’s the up-chuck factor on that?

14.

J.D. “Let’s pretend I blew up the school…all the schools. Now that you’re dead, what are you gonna do with your life?”

(Video) I Watched All Of Heathers (2018) And It's Incredibly Confusing

15.

Veronica: “You know what I want, babe?”
J.D.: “What?”
Veronica: “Cool guys like you out of my life.”

16.

Heather Chandler: “Grow up, Heather. Bulimia’s so ’87.”

17.

Heather Chandler: “You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.”

18.

Heather Chandler: “I shop, therefore I am.”

19.

J.D.: “The extreme always seems to make an impression.”

20.

J.D.: “Well, let’s take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant at the scene. All right. Got an issue of “Stud Puppy.”
Veronica
: (laughs) “Great!”
J.D.
: “Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let’s see, some mascara. All right. And here’s the one perfecto thing I picked up: Mineral water.”
Veronica
: “Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water, it’s come a long way.”
J.D.
: “Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don’t have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.”

49 Awesome ‘Heathers’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living (5)

21.

Veronica: “I just killed my best friend.”

J.D.: “And your worst enemy.”
Veronica: “Same difference.”

22.

Veronica: “Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west…wait, East. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.”

23.

J.D.: “Chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.”

24.

Heather Duke: “Veronica, you look like hell.”
Veronica: “Yeah? I just got back.”

25.

Veronica: “Well, it’s just like they’re people I work with and our job is being popular and shit.”

26.

Veronica: “If you think I’m doing another suicide note you’re wrong!”
J.D.: “You don’t get it do you? Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think upon itself. Nobody is going to care about exact handwriting.”

(Video) Heather Headley - I Wish I Wasn't (Radio Edit)

27.

Ms. Fleming: “Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.”

28.

Veronica: “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?”
Heather McNamara: “Probably.”

29.

Veronica: “Lick it up, baby. Lick it up.”

30.

Heather Chandler: “Is this a weak turnout or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.”

49 Awesome ‘Heathers’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living (6)

31.

Ram: “Jesus God in Heaven, why’d you have to kill such hot snatch?”

32.

Veronica: “What is your damage, Heather?”

34.

Veronica: “I can’t believe this is my life. Oh my God. I’m gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford.”
J.D.: “Ah, right. I’m just a little freaked here. Well at least you got what you wanted, you know?
Veronica: “Got what I wanted? It is one thing to want somebody out of your life, it is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.”

34.

Veronica: “This isn’t just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.”

35.

Peter: “Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don’t think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.”

36.

Kurt’s Dad: “My son’s a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.”

37.

Heather McNamara: “Suicide is a private thing.”
Veronica: “You’re throwing your life away to become a statistic on US fucking A Today. That’s about the least private thing I can think of.”

38.

Veronica: “I say we just grow up, be adults and die.”

39.

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Veronica: “That knife is filthy.”
J.D.: “What do you think I’m going to do with it, take out her tonsils?”
Veronica: “Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.”

40.

Heather Duke: “Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?”

49 Awesome ‘Heathers’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living (7)

41.

Heather McNamara: “God, aren’t they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?”

Veronica: “Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots. It’s a real party continent.”

42.

Veronica: “You’re a rebel? You think you’re a rebel? You’re not a rebel you’re fucking psychotic!”

43.

Veronica: “Heather, why can’t you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?”
Heather Duke: “Because I can be.”

44.

Heather Chandler: “Ugh, such a pillowcase.”

45.

Veronica: “Tomorrow, I’ll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.”

46.

Heather Duke: “I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.”

47.

Heather Chandler: “They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I’m worshiped at Westerburg and I’m only a junior.”

48.

Veronica: “Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people ‘real life.’ She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you’re beautiful.”

49.

Veronica: “Why don’t we discuss it over a cheeseburger or some such?”
Martha Dumptruck: “I’d like that very much.”

49 Awesome ‘Heathers’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living (8)

Heathers lovers, which are your favorite quotes? What did I leave out? Sound off in the comments. 49 Awesome ‘Heathers’ Quotes That Make Everyday Life Worth Living (9)

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FAQs

What does JD say in Heathers? ›

Quotes. "Greetings and salutations!" "That's the stupidest question I've ever heard." "The extreme always seems to make an impression."

What's your damage Heather Quote? ›

Veronica Sawyer: No, I'm a Veronica... Sawyer. Veronica Sawyer: What is your damage, Heather?

Who says how very in Heathers? ›

Veronica: "How Very."

One of Veronica's most iconic lines from the movie is this one, which comes from her first encounter with J.D. After she asks him the Heather lunch poll question: what he would do if he won the Publisher's Clearing House and then aliens landed on Earth to blow it up?

Is Heather Chandler a junior? ›

This is mentioned several times in the musical. Heather Chandler, however, mentions in the movie that she is worshipped at Westerberg and she's only a junior.

Is J.D. a Yandere? ›

J.D. (Jason Dean) is the main antagonist of the movie and musical Heathers. He is the yandere for Veronica Sawyer.

Does Veronica kiss Heather Duke? ›

After JD blew himself up Veronica goes back inside the school where she runs into Heather Duke. Veronica then kisses Heather on her cheek leaving a black mark on her face.

What's your damage slang meaning? ›

idiom informal humorous. used to ask how much you have to pay for something.

What is your damage Urban Dictionary? ›

For language in that category, Urban Dictionary can be a good starting place (*) to understand slang: "What's your damage." Basically it is synonymous with "What's your problem," but is used far less widely. (*) Note that inclusion in Urban Dictionary does not mean that a word or term enjoys widespread usage.

Why did Heather say corn nuts? ›

This is because it was supposed to be a comic relief moment in such a “serious” scene. Heather had wanted corn nuts really bad when Veronica first met JD at Seven Eleven, making it almost an inside joke with the audience.

Is Heathers appropriate for a 12 year old? ›

Please note this film has an 15 certificate and is NOT suitable for younger viewers. Some of the deaths would be seen as disturbing by younger viewers.

Who is the red Heather? ›

She is the deceased leader of the most popular and powerful clique at Westerburg High known as The Heathers. Heather's color is red, symbolizing her power over, not only the Heathers, but the entire Westerburg High student body. Heather was the leader of the Heathers clique and ruled Westerburg High with an iron fist.

Is Veronica Sawyer a psychopath? ›

Veronica also has psychopathic tendencies, manifesting in her murder of Lucy McCord as a child and later as she tortures and commits further murders with JD, to the point where her own parents are afraid of her.

Is Heathers based on a true story? ›

Waters has said that the secret to his script of Heathers was that it was based in real life. The screenwriter said he “stole” a good amount of the movie's one-liners from kids he knew in real life as a teen, especially from his coworkers and young campers when he worked as a summer camp counselor.

How did Veronica become a Heather? ›

Veronica met Heather Chandler and become part of the Heathers clique sometime before their junior year of high school. Before Veronica joining the group, there were two other girls named Heather Duke and Heather McNamara, thus the clique's name being the "Heathers."

What mental illness does JD have? ›

JD meets a number of the DSM-5 requirements for schizophrenia: delusions, disorganized speech, and social dysfunction.

Why did Veronica burn herself in Heathers? ›

Veronica may save the school, but she's also a self-loathing masochist–at one point, she burns herself with a cigarette later as a means of contrition. More importantly, she's complicit in the suicide of her ex-boyfriend, and she rejects the social ladder altogether.

What is the age rating for Heathers? ›

The BBFC Compliance team confirmed the 15 with BBFCInsight noting strong language, sex references and suicide theme as the key classification issues.

Who is the nicest Heather? ›

Heather McNamara, portrayed by Lisanne Falk, is one of the Heathers, and a support character in the cult classic film Heathers. She is the head cheerleader at Westerburg High and is arguably the nicest of the Heathers. Heather McNamara's signature color is yellow, symbolizing her cautious and timid nature.

Which Heather is green? ›

Heather Duke takes over as leader of the Heathers after Heather Chandler's "suicide", but is later stripped of her power by Veronica Sawyer. Heather Duke's signature color is green, symbolizing her envy of Heather Chandler, but was later changed to red as she acquired the red scrunchie.

How tall are the Heathers? ›

Heaths grow about 1 foot tall by 1 1/2 feet wide; heathers about 2 feet tall by 2 to 3 feet wide. Space both about as far apart as their mature width and at least 2 feet away from other shrubs to foster good air circulation.

What does you're such a pillowcase mean? ›

pillowcase. Heather Chandler: “Goddamn, Heather, you were with me in study hall when I thought of it.” Heather Duke: “I forgot.” Heather Chandler: “Such a pillowcase.” We're assuming pillowcase refers to someone empty- or soft-headed, like a pillow or pillowcase.

What's your problem meaning? ›

used for asking someone in a threatening way why they are behaving in a way that you do not like or approve of. Synonyms and related words.

How much is the damage meaning? ›

The phrase "what's the damage?" can be used to ask how much money you owe someone for something. Helen: So you wanted to find out how much you owe me for the food?

Is my bad a slang word? ›

It's a slang, faux apology. It says, "I was wrong, but I'm too haughty to actually apologize for my error."

What does WRD mean from a girl? ›

“Wrd” is slang used to express shock or agree with a statement. It's similar to using “really” as a question or agreement.

What is RN mean in texting? ›

RN stands for “right now.” It's used to specify an activity or status as being in the present, similar to words like “currently” or “presently.” It's also used to ask someone what they're currently doing, often combined with colloquial phrases like “What's up?” or “How's it going?”

What was JDS full name? ›

J.D. (Scrubs)
J.D.
Full nameJohn Michael Dorian, M.D.
NicknameJohnny, Newbie, Scooter, Vanilla Bear, Bambi, Q-tip, and a variety of girls' names
GenderMale
TitleResidency Director
11 more rows

Who said Greetings and salutations Heathers? ›

Kurt's Dad : My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son. J.D. : Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse. J.D. : Greetings and salutations... you a Heather?

What vocal range freezes your brain? ›

Heathers (Musical) - Freeze Your Brain: Vocal Range & Original Key
Artist / From:Heathers (Musical) (artist vocal range)
Original Key:Db Major
Vocal range:Db4-G5
Difficulty in Original Key:
Difficulty in optimal Key:
3 more rows

What happens to J.D. at the end of Heathers: The Musical? ›

As she realizes Ram is dead and the bullets are real, J.D. shoots Kurt dead and proclaims his undying love to a horrified Veronica ("Our Love Is God").

Does J.D. have a kid with Kim? ›

J.D. Samuel Perry Gilligan "Sammy" Dorian is the son of John Dorian and Kim Briggs. He was conceived on J.D. and Kim's first date even though they didn't have sex. After temporarily moving away, Kim moved back to Sacred Heart to give birth.

What does JDS stand for? ›

What does JDS stand for?
Rank Abbr.Meaning
JDSJob Diagnostic Survey
JDSJapan Digital Serve Corporation
JDSJournal of Dermatological Science (Elsevier)
JDSJava Desktop System
19 more rows

Why is J.D. not in season 9? ›

It turns out that St. Vincent's wants J.D. to have more teaching accreditation, so he returns to teach at Winston University for a short while.

Are you a Heather quote? ›

J.D. : Greetings and salutations... you a Heather? Veronica Sawyer : No, I'm a Veronica... Sawyer. Veronica Sawyer : What is your damage, Heather?

What mental illness does JD from Heathers have? ›

Jason Dean's schizophrenia, attachment disorder, dysfunctional coping mechanisms, and addictions stem primarily from his unstable home and social life caused by his parents' mental illness and neglect.

What's your damage origin? ›

What's the damage?, meaning "how much will it cost?", comes from the mid-18th century, says the Oxford English Dictionary. We couldn't find a year of origin for What's your problem? meaning "why are you upset?" However, according to the OED, that's not my problem is from the late 1940s and that's your (his, etc.)

What key is freeze your brain in? ›

Title:Freeze Your Brain
From:Heathers (Musical)
Instruments:Voice, range: Db4-G5 Piano
Scorings:Piano/Vocal/Chords Singer Pro
Original Published Key:Db Major
7 more rows

Why does Veronica burn her hand? ›

Veronica may save the school, but she's also a self-loathing masochist–at one point, she burns herself with a cigarette later as a means of contrition.

Is Veronica Sawyer a psychopath? ›

Veronica also has psychopathic tendencies, manifesting in her murder of Lucy McCord as a child and later as she tortures and commits further murders with JD, to the point where her own parents are afraid of her.

What happened to J.D.'s mom? ›

Shannen Doherty as Mrs. Dean, JD's mom who committed suicide when he was just a child. Doherty played Heather Duke in the original 1988 film Heathers.

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